Raw Power(lessness)

     There are few things more terrifying in the world than being unexpectedly shattered. Having all your armor, your defense systems knocked out and feeling so much more than exposed and vulnerable. Letting yourself be vulnerable can be a good thing, and so can being exposed, even though there isn’t a way to write about doing it yourself that doesn’t sound indecent. When you get shunted into that space against your will, unexpectedly, it’s a different story.
     It feels more like your surface area has been sanded off, nothing left but unfinished skin and raw nerves. Everything around you gets distorted, filtered through this static of desolate anger pain, and there’s really nothing for it but to wait for that cover to grow back.
     Maybe you learn something, if you’re lucky.
     Very probably the best thing you can learn from it is to not let that new cover be so thick that nothing ever gets through again. Sure, maybe it seems safer to hide yourself away down deep, but it’s truly unhealthy, and it’ll turn a person bitter. If you let yourself become so insulated that nothing bad can ever reach you, nothing good is going to reach you either, and not letting kindness reach you is poisonous.
     Plus I’m pretty sure it causes hernias.
     But I’m getting ahead of myself. Growing that layer back is just about the last thing that happens, after all the aforementioned desolate anger pain processes out. Which it needs to. Not letting it go leads to grudges, which don’t do anything but erode your insides (hernias again) and make you do and say stupid things just for spite. Carrying all that weight is just going to drag you down.
     Unfortunately we don’t generally have the ability to make the world wait while we get ourselves right again. We still have to interact with jerks and deal with inconveniences and overcome other obstacles, and the effects of these things are all intensified exponentially. This is what indulgences are for. Make sure you take time to enjoy your favorite things, whatever they are (this is not an advocation for harmful practices. I’m talking about pizza, mostly.) Spend some time with people who care for you.
     Let those people care for you. This is that kindness I was talking about.
     And if you’re at all like me, make time to be alone. Let those batteries recharge, let your mind sort itself out. Let the rest of you sort itself out, too. If you’re not like me, don’t do this. I’m told that for certain people, being alone at times like this is equivalent to being locked in a room with a louder, meaner version of themselves.
     Also, remember that eventually you’re going to have to push yourself again. It’s not going to be easy, and avoiding it by staying still can be pretty appealing. It’s comfortable, and there isn’t a lot of risk involved on the surface of it, but eventually the boredom of it will wreck you. So make yourself move, even if it’s just a little at a time. It’s your timeline, and you get to set the pace.
     There’s a pretty good chance you’re going to have to go through this more than once. Whenever you do, try to remember the things that help, and the things that don’t. My genuine hope is that you, friends and neighbors, don’t have to go through it so many times that you become a pro and develop a routine for it, but at least do what you can to avoid those hernias.
     And don’t forget the pizza.
-John