1) People are going to hurt you. Some of them intentionally, some of them by a mere lack of consideration, and some of them because they feel they don’t have a choice. Learn to forgive them. Carrying around that grudge and rehearsing all the hurtful petty things you’d like to say and do for revenge will only rot your humanity, warp your mind and keep you from moving on.
2) Let yourself sleep in sometimes. I know for some people that can be tough, all you hard charging go-getters, but trust me, a little extra sleep, especially after you kind of wake up, stretch out in bed some, hit the bathroom, and then climb back into bed and let yourself doze off for a while longer is about as rewarding as self care gets. As a recently single person, I’m still trying to figure how to have breakfast cooking when I wake up that second time, so let me know if any of you sort that out.
3) A lack of understanding a thing is not sufficient cause to dismiss it. For example, not being able to understand how wind powered generators work doesn’t mean they don’t. If you want to denigrate or truly debunk something, take the effort and put in the time to understand it first. Otherwise, people who do actually understand it will easily expose you as a fool. Case in point, the previously alluded to wind power statement from the Personification of Total Unmitigated Selfishness (I had to throw one in somewhere.) Honestly, wouldn’t you think that someone who takes such great pains to cover up his giant bald head would be more wary of being so exposed?
4) When you’re giving people advice, try not to be so painfully serious about everything. Make a joke about eating pizza or buying robot vacuums as gifts (today is my birthday) or something. People appreciate a good joke at the right time.
5) Don’t go to college just because someone tells you to unless they’re willing to pay for it. There is no longer any real guarantee a college degree will automatically help you, but I can give you a real guarantee that the debt it comes with will automatically not. There is not one thing wrong with taking some time off to figure out who you are, because I promise at eighteen you have no idea.
6) Practice being responsible. It’s not really something that comes easily to everyone, and it’s not necessarily something we promote as a culture, but it’ll save you a lot of trouble in the long run. Hold yourself responsible for the mistakes you make, the damage you cause, and the consequences of your actions. Don’t punish yourself or anything, but own up, you know? It’s how we learn.
7) Conversely, give yourself credit for the good things you do. The kindnesses you perform, the healing and comfort you provide. Let these things make you feel good about yourself, but don’t let it go to your head and get all arrogant about it. Kind of ruins the point.
8) Make sure you communicate. Whether it be a professional relationship, a romantic one, or a familial one, don’t expect other people to just know what you’re going through. You’ll save yourself and them a lot of intellectual and emotional pain if you take the time to express yourself. Don’t bottle it up until you explode and/or ruin something important. Remember that everyone else is just as consumed by their own issues as you are.
9) Decide what you’re worth, and what your currency is. If you let someone else do it for you, you’ll get shortchanged every time. You get to decide your value, and if other people don’t agree, well, that’s their stupid business to mind.
10) You can add hot sauce or barbecue sauce or garlic or fancy herbs. You put it on a fancy bun and surround it with adjectives like “artisanal” and “made in house” and “savory” and “delicious.” You can say dumb things like “they do it in Canada,” or “you can’t even taste the mayo in it.”
Try whatever tricks you want, it doesn’t matter:
Aioli is just fancy mayonnaise, and as such, is gross.
-John
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