A Prehistoric 35

   
     Despite both the predictions made by many who knew me in my younger days, and the advice given to me by my mentors in the shadowy aspects of my art, yesterday, on the thirtieth and final day of the month known as June, the sixth month of the year 2016 (as well as most other years), I allowed myself to become thirty five years old. Halfway to seventy, a quarter of the way to 140, and almost as much time as it takes to read that first sentence.
     Some of you may remember a time when I turned thirty, lo those many years ago, and I wrote a piece in which I provided some few bits of advice for those who entered this world at a later date than myself. Now that I have reached the halfway point of my fourth decade and found out that I am actually a dinosaur trapped in a human body (thanks to my niece, Chloe), I figured why not do something like that again? So I did. Enjoy!

1. By now you know that everyone has a camera, and everything gets recorded and put on the internet, and everyone knows about all the dumb things you do. Instead of letting this discourage you,  remember that it hasn't kept anyone from running for president.

2. The word 'love' is overused. You don't love everything that you enjoy, and you certainly don't love everyone, no matter how frequently people post pictures of beaches photoshopped with terribly written lines about it on the aforementioned internet. You can however respect people, and do your best to treat them with kindness. Which is not the same as being nice. Figure out the difference, and practice the one that actually means something.

3. Change and Growth are not the same thing. Go back and reread the last sentence from #2 now.

4.  Anyone who tells you they know what god wants is trying to use religion to control you. Ignore them. The whole point of believing in a deity, should you choose to do so, is that said deity is the one in charge, not you. Therefore, it is no one's responsibility, or right, or privilege, to go around trying to make everyone act according to their beliefs.
               4.5. Truth and Belief are not the same thing. Truth is what Is, and Belief is how each person makes sense of that Is in order to keep from going crazy. Avoid people who confuse the two.

5. Being loud is not a substitute for being smart. Shut up, listen, and don't treat every dissenting opinion as a personal attack on you. What you hear matters just as much as what you say.

6. Change your underwear every day. It's just a better way to do things.

7. Stop defending famous people for doing terrible things. I don't care if you like their music, or they play for your favorite team. Someone else will make music you like, someone else will play for your team.  Shine that light of adulation on someone who deserves it.

8. Make sure you get what you're worth.  Or more, if you can manage.

9. You are going to hurt people. Everyone does. Try not to do it on purpose, own up to it when it happens, and don't hold a grudge when it happens to you. That's how people get ulcers.

10. If someone important to you, or even someone you find vaguely entertaining, mentions a thing over and over again throughout a period of time, like years for instance, and doesn't let it go, even when you think said person is maybe getting obsessive, or at least boring and repetitive, you should seriously consider keeping your stupid opinions to yourself and just getting him the damned robot vacuum. He just had a birthday, for cryin' out loud.

     Also, if I somehow live to be 140 years old, please take it upon yourselves to keep me from seeing 141. That is far too long for this dinosaur to be trapped inside a human body. Just do me one favor: however you collectively decide to kill me, make it unbelievably creative and spectacular.

-John