A Brief Word From Our Sponsors

     Ladies and gentlemen, we here at JohnCo. understand that your time is valuable, and the time you spend posting pictures of your selves and food and pets and then looking at and talking about each others' pictures is equally valuable. We appreciate you choosing to spend portions of that precious and rare internet time to read the musings and ramblings of your regular author (hello!-John) and the deranged self-appointed saint of language integrity preservation (you could have chosen a better adjective-St. John), both of whom we sponsor (but don't pay-John)(and so sponsor you are not, sirs!-St. John.) As our way of saying "thank you", we try our best to make sure every product we create has the betterment of your life at it's heart and as its soul.
     And we here at JohnCo. don't mind telling you, we've really brewed up something big this time.
     It has been, since our conception, our primary objective to address the problems plaguing our society to the best of our ability. With that in our corporate hive-like mind, we have worked tirelessly to bring to you something that could eliminate from our culture the controversies surrounding unwanted pregnancies, birth control, overpopulation, and abortion. All of the anger, all of the frustration, all of the enmity between those on differing sides of the issue, gone. All the rage of women who don't want other people, especially old white men, telling them what to do with their bodies, gone. All the bewilderment of old white men who can't quite fathom why everyone is tired of their ignorant trumpeting, done.
     And all you have to do is have a beer.
     That's right, we here at JohnCo. are proud and privileged to announce the launch of our very own birth control beer! All the joy of inebriated intercourse, with none of the reproductive hangover! Each bottle contains our very own proprietary drug TempoSter (TM), which temporarily reduces the male sperm count to zero, thereby eliminating the chance of pregnancy! That's right, ladies, you read that correctly; birth control is your fellas' problem, now. No more trips to the doctor, no more filling prescriptions for you. Just make sure that goober has a beer or two, which we here at JohnCo. don't think will be a problem.
     Now, we here at JohnCo. understand that there is a religious component to this argument, and that argument has somehow managed to infiltrate various levels of our government, despite the whole separation of church and state thing. Not to worry, faithful customers, we figured out how to deal with that. It was a bit of a gamble, but we are pleased to announce it worked, and so we are proud to present our flagship beer, the Full Salute American Ale.
     This fine, hearty American style ale doesn't just have a pleasing and refreshing taste. It doesn't just have our special TempoSter (TM) additive, either. It also comes with a small amount of our very own male stimulant, ManStam(TM), and folks, you wouldn't believe how fast this particular brew made it through all the food safety trials and congressional hearings. It happened so fast, and with so little resistance, that you know it's completely safe and satisfies all moral and ethical compunctions.
     At least, that's what we here at JohnCo. were told, and who are we to doubt the motivations of the old white men who make these decisions?
     So look for Full Salute American Ale in a store near you, and keep an eye out for these other styles, which are heading your way soon, from your friends at JohnCO.:
     Sterile Serenity Stout- A stout in the traditional style, dark in color with hints of roasted coffee and chocolate, and a sense of freedom that will outlast both you and its delicious aftertaste.
     Low Count Lager- A crisp, clean, lager, for those hot summer nights when you really, really, don't want to be weighed down.
     He's not my Hefeweizen- This golden, full bodied wheat beer may be not be filtered, but you sure will be.
     The 'I' isn't for India I.P.A.- hoppy, tasty, and an ABV% that's far more potent than you will be. This, like our Full Salute, also comes with the ManStam (TM) additive.
      And these are just the ones we thought of ourselves! We here at JohnCo. welcome input from our customers, so if you have a favorite style of beer, let us know in the comments, and we'll get our team  on it post-haste!
     So the next time you find yourself in the beer aisle, or bellied up to the bar, trying to figure out what beer is for you, just remember JohnCo., the only brewery where drinking responsibly means having another.
     Side effects may include fierce hangovers, dehydration, headaches, nausea and vomiting. Also, soreness of muscles, scratches, bite marks,  feelings of great satisfaction, and a smile that just does't go away.
-JohnCo.