Political PR

So okay, all you world leaders and beaters, I know you have all the power and you can do whatever you want and you don’t care what the little people think or have to say. That’s nothing new, and though most of us would like to change it, we’re a little busy trying to hold jobs and pay for food and stuff, so aside from protesting on Saturdays and convincing ourselves our votes count even though the last two Republican presidents we had lost the popular vote and the electoral college is a travesty, there isn’t much we can do except maybe vote with our dollars. It’s no secret anymore that most of you are owned by lobbyists, foreign powers, or your own self interests, which is why the only ardent supporters among your constituents are generally the least informed - and yet somehow the loudest. I can see why you wouldn’t feel the need to hide behind that projection of caring about America anymore: it’s a lot of work, and no one’s buying it anyway.
     Still though, I think after a certain point a little public image damage control might be in order, and as always, I’m here to help. Think of me as a public relations consultant if you will, or perhaps an emissary for etiquette, or even a delegate for decency, my personal favorite. I present to you a few suggestions which may not recreate the public trust in you - I’m afraid that particular ship sailed and was lost to the void long ago - but might just calm enough of them down for you to not have to, I don’t know, beg foreign governments to rig your elections, or turn your voting districts into a politically skewed Spirograph.
     Maybe.
     All right, first things first, and this is so bleedingly important it should seem obvious: you really, really have to stop making it so painfully clear that you have no concern for children. There is simply too much out there now for people not to see a pattern. First, you refused and continue to refuse to do anything about these school shootings. Or mall shootings. Or movie theater shootings. Or parking lot shootings, sporting venue shootings, or even church shootings. Then, you put refugee children in cages as punishment for their parents not wanting them to be murdered. Then, you started trying to take school lunches away from children who couldn’t afford them. Now, you’re openly mocking a sixteen year old climate change activist because she’s smarter than you are and won’t stop calling you out on your willful ignorance and callousness. And you’re not even doing a good job of it, by the way. So far, she’s managed to turn all of your sad personal attacks to her own advantage. Seriously, it’s one thing to have her outsmart you, but doing it for her just is not a good look.
     I understand this may sound harsh, but please don’t get upset. I’m trying to help you out here, remember?
     Second, and this is going to hurt, so brace yourself: it’s time to stop treating people who aren’t rich white men like they don’t matter. Now, let me be clear: I know you aren’t going to stop thinking it. That’s a miracle even the great Buddha himself couldn’t perform for you, and I know better than to try and convince you. You are free to continue thinking white males are the best people, no matter how high the evidence stacks against us.  No matter how many other ethnicities and genders continue to outshine you and yours consistently, you retain the right to, in your own small mind, hold fast to your ignorance.
     Making it so public, however, is going to cost you in those polls. However you intend your words and actions to seem, they look like nothing so much as the irrational deeds of a long over-privileged  and now desperate coward, terrified by the thought of an equal playing field despite generations of claiming some deity instilled superiority. Trust me as your representative of rhetoric (my new favorite), all this tough talk about defending your rights against immigrants and women doesn’t sound noble, or righteous. Remember, you’re not supposed to be keeping these people down, you’re supposed to be leading them into a better future.
     Which brings me to my final recommendation as your counselor of conduct (meh): you need to start finding some actual leaders, and not just whoever’s loudest. I admit, it was fun for a little while, watching these motley fools get thrown in over their heads and flail wildly as they tried to keep from drowning in the sea of international politics, but now it’s just sad to see how easily they get manipulated and, in some Particularly Onerous Tastelessly Unaware Situations (you know I had to get one in there), painfully embarrassing.
Perhaps we could try looking for people who have thoughts and visions about the future, instead of those who are still clinging to a fast fading former time that was only great for them, and even then not so great. You could tie this into the first idea by finding someone who understands when children take to the streets and stage making their desires to not get murdered at school or left to inherit a crippled planet known. You know, if you want.Nothing can stop the future, friends and neighbors, and only a fool tries to live in the past.
I know it’s going to take a while to turn things around. There’s a lot of of enmity out there for you all these days, but I think these three points are a great way to start, and who knows? Maybe once you get rolling, you’ll find out that doing good things for your constituency is just as rewarding as being paid millions of dollars by private corporations. Probably that seems far-fetched and ridiculous to you, but no more so than the idea of a President making fun of a child on Twitter, am I right?
-John