Let Not A Straw Man Stand

Here’s a practically speaking rhetorical question: do you all remember when that professional football player knelt during the national anthem and a bunch of people- including very high ranking members of our federal government who should have better things to do with each and every single day they hold office- made a really big deal about it? And then when said football player- and a number of other people- provided very eloquent explanations for his action, the aforementioned big deal makers responded by saying, um, as I recall, nothing much at all? For a very long time? Except to maybe gloat a little about how the football player got fired, and then nothing again when he still got a huge athletic shoe ad campaign deal?
     Except for, and let us not forget, those brave souls who threw away their shoes in protest. Don’t ever forget those shoeless patriots who love their country and freedom so much that they absolutely cannot abide dissenters. Once these morally righteous watchdogs let people get away with kneeling during the anthem, it’s a pretty small step to illegal bribery, treason, and election fraud, and we all know how intolerant they are of that kind of behavior.
     America First, and all that.
     Anyway, friends and neighbors, I can understand why, after so much time has passed (particularly from a news cycle point of view), you might find yourself asking why I’m bringing this up at all. Well I’m glad yourself asked, because I can’t wait to tell you! See, recently, as I’m sure you’re aware, George H.W. Bush, one time- and one term- President of the United States died. As is customary, a lot of notable politicians showed up to pay their disparate respects. This includes not only our current POTUS (Pretty Obviously Traitorous and Unctuous Scumbag (coming up with these for months now, non stop)), who apparently failed to cover his heart with his hand during the National Anthem (but totally did stand up), but also former Senator and Pepsi Cola spokesman Bob Dole, who managed to get up from his wheelchair to salute the deceased former Presidents’ casket.
     And there, finally, after nearly half a page and yet still somehow without any real and obvious connection, I’ve brought up the two things that have spurred me on to write this piece: a kneeling professional athlete and a standing elderly senator. Now, on the surface the two seem to have so little in common that you may be on the precipice of accusing me of bad writing, but hear me out, I beg you.
     Well, maybe not beg exactly, but attempt instead to entice you with tantalizingly leading sentences.
     Although I will admit one thing to you right off the bat, my attentive and intelligent reader: these two things do in fact have nothing in common.
     Which is exactly why we’re here today. You see, recently I was unfortunate enough to witness one of those internet occurrences known as a “meme”, wherein it was stated that if this elderly man can stand up to salute a dead former president, than anyone else should be able to stand for the national anthem. When I witnessed this obvious and desperately unreasonable argument, I was immediately reminded of the phrase “Straw Man.”
     I imagine most of the people reading this are well aware that “straw man” is a term used to describe an intentionally misleading argument that puts the original statement - in this case a peaceful protest made by a person in a highly publicized position- in a misleading light, so that said statement can be easier to demean and defeat.
      In other words, it’s a bunch of nonsense made up by people who would rather feel righteous than actually be right.
     In this case, we are expected to believe that the afore alluded to football playing gentleman’s actions were a direct and audacious attack on our country’s ideals and moral foundations, instead of a simple and quiet request for decency, as so many peaceful protests have been from people who are tired of seeing their countrymen murdered without cause by people who are supposed to protect them. Somehow, this is meant to be seen as an act of cowardice when compared to the actions of the former Senator and Viagra spokesman, who stood up to salute the former president.
     Now let me take just a minute here to say that I in no way intend to demean the actions of Senator Dole. The amount of effort and respect he showed is commendable, and if there is an afterlife, I’m sure President Bush is choosing to focus on this display of respect instead of the actions of our current POTUS ( Pretentious Overblown and Toweringly Unaware Stooge).
     Rather, my aim is simply to point out that connecting events like these, which in reality have nothing in common, at best reminds some people that kneeling and standing are in fact two different things.  It does not, it turns out, make any kind of valid moral or political statement. A straw man can be positioned however one pleases, but it will never say anything of substance to anyone really paying attention.
-John

Declaration Day 2018

     Well, friends and neighbors, it's Declaration Day again, and I think this year it's more important than ever. People are playing so fast and loose with concepts like truth and honesty that they've just about lost all definition, but I refuse to give up. In a world where "I feel like" is replacing "I think", unfounded conspiracy theories are turning into a style of governance, and straw men are popping up like out of some nightmarish whack-a-mole game, we have to take those small precious moments of honesty wherever we can. With that in mind, I've pasted the description and rituals for the holiday below, both as a refresher for those already acquainted, and an introduction for our new celebrants.
     Enjoy, and happy Declaration day to you all!

    It is hereby proposed that, instead of trying to reclaim an existing holiday, most of which have been either destroyed by consumerism and greed or ruined by more accurate retellings of history, we make up a new one, one that takes place on the twelfth of December. It shall be known as Declaration Day, and here's how it works:
     There are no gifts, no big meals, no dying plants to decorate or terrible songs to sing. There is no affiliated religion or deity to worship (though I'd be willing to listen to some prayers, as long as they are juicy), and there are no special outfits. All you must do to participate is tell one, just one, person you care about a real, honest thing. No sugar coating either; just plain simple truth.
     And it can't be something easy, like telling a significant other "I love you", or telling a best friend they are really important to you. Tell them something you wouldn't normally tell them.
     Now, just a couple of rules, which I get to make, because I invented the holiday (hence the earlier implication that prayers be sent to me.)
     1) This truth cannot be conveyed via text, email, or any other medium which makes use of terms such as 'LOL' or 'OMG'. The point of this holiday is accurate, honest, real communication, and I have learned over the years that most people are not as adept at conveying tone through the written word as one would hope. So in order to help prevent mistakes, face to face is best. An actual phone call or video chat is permitted if circumstances require it.
     2) Any person to whom a truth is delivered is automatically allowed to dispense a truth in return. So, if your decision is to finally tell that coworker he smells, he will be allowed to tell you that everyone knows you wear a wig, provided both statements are true. This provision is in place not to keep one from expressing an honest opinion, but only to maintain balance. No one wants some dummy just walking around telling people what's wrong with them. Also, bear in mind, if you decide to only convey the, let's say, unkind thoughts in your head, people are going to notice, and eventually you'll end up with less people in your life to complain about than you might want, left with only your misery for company.
     So try not to be a jerk about it. Just take a little brain power away from who on your gift list would like that neat-o pair of Christmas socks (no one wants those), try not to think about what to wear to the office holiday party (skip it. Just skip it; who even cares?) and let your mind come up with something you can tell someone that really, really matters. Anything, for anyone, as long as it's not a commercial for diamonds or toys.
     Good luck with it, and as a show of faith, I'll even start us off with one:
     When I tell people about this blog, I usually play it off as a sort of throwaway exercise to keep my writing muscles in shape, and act like I don't care if anyone reads it. The truth is, I couldn't be happier that even a few people bother to check this thing out when I manage to write it, and every repost or conversational mention or forwarded link or gained subscriber pleases me to no end. Of course I know that putting this in writing not only exposes me as a sap, but also breaks the second rule of Declaration Day, but there's no way I have time to call every one of you up and tell you, so cut me a little slack, how about?
-John