Right Christian

     Your sweet lord, but it's been a glorious couple of weeks for Christianity in America, hasn't it? Just a series of true victories for the god fearing and righteous, sure to leave their messiah feeling held up head and shoulders above everyone else's messiah. How could he not be pleased, now that we are finally -Finally- following his teachings of love and compassion? Just take a look around and you'll see; we're doing so much good for our fellow man and woman these days.
     Well, okay, maybe not so much for our fellow woman, but the Bible isn't that big on women anyway, so who cares?
     Look at the good we're doing to the south, building a wall to keep everyone safe. That's a country that is just chock full of religious-and our kind of religious, too, fully Christian- folks, and we're building a wall to protect them from all the godless heathen liberals they'd run into if they came here. I mean sure, they may be able to find a better financial life, and provide food for their family, but they could also fall victim to our expanding population of secularists and progressive thinking people, and what good would that do them? I'm pretty sure that no one in the Bible provides food and shelter for anyone else. At least not any of the good guys.
     Fear not, oh pious ones, for the blessings continue. Glory, oh praise his precious name, for it seems we will get to pay for that wall after all! I know a great many good and Christian folk were just sweating tears of holy water at the thought of not being able to show off their charitable souls by paying for this wall, but relief arrives and joy continues in the form of levied taxes on goods imported from this exotic and holy land! As so many of us not only predicted but truly knew in our happy holy hearts, the threats of allowing our southern neighbor to pay for this wall were merely a hollow attempt to assuage the objections of the greedy few.
     Blessed are the consumers of avocados, for they shall inherit the bill!
     But keeping the reverent people of the world safe from the vile corruption of truth seekers and knowledge thirsters that now infiltrate this country is a never ending task, and a true leader accepts this burden with a solemn vow and true humility. How fortunate we are to finally have leaders who comprehend the compassion necessary to lead a truly Christian life! Why, look around you and see, oh ye doubters and faithless, for even those who follow a different-and totally wrong and hell bound- faith are now being protected from your dangerous influence.
     Never mind that they come from different (Muslim) countries; never mind that they follow a different (Muslim) faith. Never mind that they come here so obviously unaccustomed to, unprepared for, and unaware of, the oppression and (religious) persecution that awaits them. They will not be left to their own (Muslim) devices, abandoned to try and make their way alone in this new world. Dry your Christian tears, friends and neighbors, for thanks to our new leaders, they won't even be exposed to this new and terrible world in the first place!
     Blessed, oh blessed, are those who are abandoned, for they shall inherit the grudge of the oppressed!
     Oh, but the great charity remains at home, where it so often begins. That treacherous trickster knowledge, as we all know, knocks always at our doorstep, threatening us with broadened horizons and opened minds, and we must beware. If we are not careful, if we are not always on guard, we may one day find ourselves too far along the path, unable to find our way back from a world of coexistence and shared information.
     For what purpose would one strive for such a world, I ask you? To what end? Better off are those whose leaders withhold such knowledge, even sometimes deny it, offering instead facts of an alternate nature. Countless are the advantages awarded to those who volunteer away their unbiased press, their system of education, their very right to health, all for the safety of those who live beyond our borders!
     Blessed, oh blessed, thrice blessed, are the willfully ignorant, for they shall inherit whatever their leaders allow them to have, as long as they do exactly as they're told, and never ask questions.
     Witness, ye faithful devoted, as your (not exactly) chosen leaders bend the country to your (their) will! Rejoice, ye saintly swarm, as the long celebrated charity of Christendom reaches its full potential! Marvel, ye totally selfless and not at all hypocritical in any way masses, as our nation turns away from the world in which it lives and tries instead to hide in a nonexistent past of somehow lost but not irretrievable greatness! Look upon our current state of grace, dear devoted, and rejoice, for all credit lies directly at your feet.
-John
   
   

Healthy Questions

     Okay, just to get it out of the way, I'm not going to talk about Russia. I'm not. There's enough of that going on already. And if there's one thing I pride myself on, it's being able to tell when my friends and neighbors (that's you!) are sick and tired of hearing about a subject, and just want to look at pictures and videos of cats falling off of counters or otherwise hurting themselves.
     Because cats are terrible. And we are right to enjoy their pain.
     Then again, you can go anywhere to find videos of cats being injured, so it wouldn't really add to the conversation if that's all I did here today. So whatever am I to do? If I'm not going to ramble about Russia, or post cat videos, what else is there? Am I wasting everyone's time here? Are you, at this very moment, reading a series of questions to which I have no answer? Will you get to the next paragraph only to find out it's all gibberish I used to fill the page and keep you from immediately realizing I've played some sort of prank on you? Will you then, as your day passes, come to see it as a metaphor for what's happening to our crumbling health care system?
     Nah, I wouldn't do that to you, and to prove it, here's the answer to each of those questions, in order: You'll see. There's lots. No. No. No. No.
     Speaking of health care, though, I did see something the other day wherein a person who voted for -sigh and groan (inserted because I'm still not ready to write or even read that name)- says he hopes -sigh and groan- doesn't repeal The Affordable Care Act (the ACA). Well then... I suppose he voted for this man because he assumed him to be a liar? Or because he didn't listen to, say, anything this man said? I don't know, but if it's the first suggestion, I fear he's not going to be your type of liar, sir. And if it's the second, I can only express my envy in how you managed not to hear this man.
     And here I'm going to use an appropriately not smooth transition to talk more about health care, and address the real question looming foremost in my mind: if we (and here I use the term 'we' loosely) do repeal the ACA, what do we (again, so loose) think is going to happen? There seems to be no plan to replace it once it's gone, so what's going to happen?
     I know a number of people believe that unregulated privatization is the way to go, and the market will regulate itself, and so on. Which would be great, and makes total sense, as long as you ignore the entire history of human experience. If you can do that, then privatizing human necessities is a great idea. It's kind of funny how Libertarianism and Communism have the same fatal flaw, which is failing to account for just how much a greedy, thoughtless, selfishly short sighted punk can get away with.
     Also, I think it's necessary to point something out to all of those people who, for the last few years, have been complaining about having to pay for other people's health care: you already were, and you will continue to do so. Let me explain.
    People who don't have and can't afford healthcare generally ignore any health issues they develop for as long as possible. Which means these issues get worse and worse over time, until finally the person being affected ends up in the emergency room of a not-for-profit hospital, racking a huge bill they can and will never pay. Emergency procedures, surgeries, you name it. But those doctors and nurses are going to get paid. Replacements for the supplies used to care for them will be purchased by someone. Who do you think has been footing that bill? Where do you think that money comes from, ultimately? Who do you think is going to pay for them in the future?
    Whilst you ponder that, consider also this morsel:
    Why do you think it's easier to get coverage for preventative care than for diagnostic care?
     Here I find myself embarrassed to admit I feel the need to point out that we can't just refuse treatment. It's such an obviously wrong choice from both moral and practical viewpoints, but we all know someone who would suggest it, and think it the perfect and final solution.
     Wait. Where have I heard those words before?
     Finally, I want to leave you with one more question, this one asked by one of the wisest and most compassionate people I've ever met: how many countries with universal health care have chosen to go to a privatized system?
     Stay healthy, ya'll.
-John
   

2017- Here we go again.

     Man alive and screaming pagan prayers, that was a year and then some, wasn't it? Personal joys aside- and I know that a good number of the people who read this had some decidedly joyous personals- just a whole lot of steaming piles got plopped in our collective yard, and the neighbor responsible passed us nothing but a limp, flabby, orange shovel that's a lot better at flinging than picking up. But oh, poor neighbor, the day will come, and very soon, when you too shall see how much fuller the notorious swamp is, and with exactly what.
     One hopes, at that point, people will understand that overflowing and emptying are not the same thing. Although, one has also studied history a little, and so does not quite dare expect.
     But enough about that year, and its utterly awful day to day inflictions. Surely, the incoming year will be insanely better, yes? It's not like we're going to get another "Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice", is it? Surely there isn't another Macklemore album on the way already? It's not like we can lose Alan Rickman and Gene Wilder again, right?
     Boy howdy, did those two hit me hard.
     So we made it, and we managed to dig a few diamonds of this coal mine, didn't we? We got another good "Star Wars" movie. A few of my favorite people procreated, which means the next generation of human beings isn't a total loss for all of us. And, perhaps most important and impressive, after all those steaming piles got plopped, and the dust (if we are so optimistic as to believe it was merely dust) settled, a whole group, a huge group, emerged, a group that, as one who has studied history a little can and does dare to expect, will prove insurmountable in its insistence that decency, peace, and unity are better tools than discord, enmity, and prejudice. This group got just as loud and just as bold as its opposition, and it did so with more grace and aplomb. Much like a mother who won't stop hugging her child until it has no choice but to cease its unoriginal and baseless tantrum about foreigners and long lost greatness.
     As long as this group can keep its temper under control. That's going to be the hard part for this year, as well as the three following. There are going to be a lot of things that happen in the near and not so near future, and they are going drive this group to what will be, for the younger members anyway, brand new heights of frustration and bewilderment. Many of them will find it extremely difficult to restrain themselves from screaming bloody murder at those responsible, as they smugly stand around blaming previous job holders and claiming religious authority as justification for their selfishness and ignorance.
     It is going to be a constant and difficult challenge to keep their feet where they must be, firmly planted in reason and resolve, to not give in to that deep, cavernous, possibly bottomless temptation to slap the ever loving hell out of those smug faces who are just doing "what they believe is right," even though all wisdom points to the contrary.
     Lucky for them, one other thing is going to change this year, and hopefully it'll help:
     I will be here, in this space, oh so much more than I was in 2016, and I think it's a fair bet that I'm going to be oh, just so very pissed off.
     You see, friends and neighbors, there is documented proof (most of it created and presented by me) that shows me to be, let's say, disinclined to keeping my temper when the people of the world behave in thoughtless or relentlessly selfish ways. Ask anyone who's been a passenger in a vehicle I was driving, or stood in line with me at a coffee shop when someone spends five stupid minutes figuring out what to order when they should've been THINKING ABOUT THAT WHILE THEY WERE IN LINE, INSTEAD OF TALKING ALL LOUD ON THEIR GOD FORSAKEN PHONE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED ON WHATEVER HOUSEWIVES OF WHEREVER LAST NIGHT!! I SWEAR TO-
     See? Not so good at keeping the temper in check. So I tend to stay out of the big lights, and off of the big stages, but when you feel that little black ball of frustrated rage start to harden in your abdomen (right in that spot between your liver and stomach; you know the one, just under your ribs), come on by, and I'll do my level best to turn that dense little beast on its head, treat you to a joke or two, and remind you you're not alone.
     As a wonderful and wise and breakfast food obsessed and fictional woman once wrote, "Find your team, and get to work."
-John