Declaration Day!

     Well here we are, friends and neighbors, right smack dab in the middle of the two biggest holidays this country has. That's right, I said two biggest. Don't give me that balderdash about Easter or St. Valentine's day, either. They don't even come close, and you know it. People are still trying to get the turkey and gravy out of their veins, and many people are already getting stabbed in their feet from pine needles that have fallen off the trees that for some archaic reason are now sitting in the living room.  Commercials have reached their yearly peak of sugar coated pleas for us to express our love monetarily, and the music - which is inescapable- gets emptier than a... Hm. You know, I really hate the music, so I'm going to have to think about this for a bit, and then we'll get back to it.
     Anyway, the problem with all the holiday stuff, as I see it and thus it must be, lies not with the errant pine needles, nor with the fact that pumpkin is in everything. For some of us, in fact, having pumpkin in everything is delightful, because pumpkin is delicious, and even people who claim otherwise know they are mistaken in their hearts. No, the problem we face at this time of year, aside from the music -for which I will find an appropriate simile- is the forced cheer.
     You know what I mean, right? Yeah, you know what I mean. Everyone says some version of "Happy Holidays" even if they don't know the person to whom they are speaking, the ugliest sweaters in existence appear in droves from the backs of closets, smelling of mothballs and last years' rum fueled acts of shame. Jewelers remind us incessantly what letter the word 'kiss' always beings with, and retailers attempt to convince us that their greed is nothing more than a deep and passionate concern that our relatives know we love them, and in order to help us, have discounted all the merchandise they have thus far failed to sell.
     They do it out of love, you guys. Love.
     Now, I know that very recently I made a plea to take back Thanksgiving. That, I realize, was a very tall order, and not one I'm likely to see filled. So I have another idea, and I think it's just what we need (obviously.) It is not an attempt to reclaim Christmas, because let's face it, the origins of that holiday are murky at best, and whatever meaning it may have once had is so dried out and decrepit that we might as well just put it on a boat, set it out to sea, and light it on fire with arrows as it floats away.
     At least that way the War On Christmas would be over, and the persecution finished.
     Here again I speak of the music.
     I propose that, instead of reclaiming an existing holiday, we make up a new one, one that takes place on the twelfth of December, which at the time of this writing is tomorrow. It shall be know as Declaration Day, and here's how it works:
     There are no gifts, no big meals, no plants to decorate or songs to sing. There is no affiliated religion or deity to worship (though I'd be willing to listen to some prayers, as long as they are juicy), and there are no special outfits. All you must do to participate is tell one, just one,  person you care about a real, honest thing. No sugar coating, just plain simple truth.
     And it can't be something easy, like telling a spouse "I love you", or telling a best friend he or she is really important to you. Tell them something you wouldn't normally tell them.
     Now, just a couple of rules, which I get to make, because I invented the holiday (hence the earlier implication that prayers be sent to me.)
     1) This truth cannot be conveyed via text, email, or any other medium which makes use of terms such as 'LOL' or 'OMG'. The point of this holiday is accurate, honest, real communication, and I have learned over the years that most people are not as adept at conveying tone through the written word as one would hope. So in order to help prevent mistakes, face to face is best. An actual phone call or video chat is permitted if circumstances require it.
     2) Any person to whom a truth is delivered is automatically allowed to dispense a truth in return. So, if your decision is to finally tell that coworker he smells, he will be allowed to tell you that everyone knows you wear a wig, provided both statements are true. This provision is in place not to keep one from expressing an honest opinion, but only to maintain balance. No one wants some dummy just walking around telling people what's wrong with them. Also, bear in mind, if you decide to only convey the, let's say, unkind thoughts in your head, people are going to notice, and eventualy you'll end up with less people in your life to complain about than you might want, left with only your misery for company.
     So try not to be a jerk about it. Just take a little brain power away from who on your gift list would like that neat-o pair of Christmas socks (no one wants those), try not to think about what to wear to the office holiday party (skip it. Just skip it; who even cares?) and let your mind come up with something you can tell someone that really, really matters. Anything, for anyone, as long as it's not a commercial for diamonds or toys.
     Good luck with it, and as a show of faith, I'll even start us off with an early one:
     When I tell people about this blog, I usually play it off as a sort of throwaway exercise to keep my writing muscles in shape, and act like I don't care if anyone reads it. The truth is, I couldn't be happier that even a few people bother to check this thing out when I manage to write it, and every repost, or conversational mention, or forwarded link, pleases me to no end. Of course I know that putting this in writing not only exposes me as a sap, but also breaks the second rule of Declaration Day, but there's no way I have time to call every one of you up and tell you, so cut me a little slack, how about?
     Hopefully this means that at least for one day, right when we need it most, everyone will get a real, if sometimes harsh, dose of honesty. I believe, I really do, that in the long run, it will help us all stay a little grounded and better focused in a time of year when we are encouraged on all sides to indulge every temptation that strikes us, and distractions are every- EMPTIER THAN A BAG OF THE DEVIL'S PROMISES!
     Jeez, that was really weighing on me. For real.
-John