That’s right, friends and neighbors, your great leaders have done you yet another great service that shall truly reshape the digital age! They have heard and heeded our complaints about the overabundance of privacy that currently derides our digital existence. Once again displaying their fierce devotion to serving the ones who gave them their jobs, our attentive and security conscious leaders have finally freed us from the constraints of owning our own information. No longer shall we feel the burning lash of knowing who has our information and what they are doing with it! Open your arms everyone, and embrace this lack of knowledge and privacy!
The future: the less secure it looks, the brighter it’ll be.
Now, when great shifts in policy come along, one must take a moment to reflect on the even greater shift in our culture as a whole. Many people, as always, begin to feel nervous during big shifts like this one, as they perceive a violation of their personal freedom and right to privacy. This of course is an unnecessary worry, as this great shift was brought about by the very political party that always has, and no doubt always will, placed a very high value on security and freedom and privacy. What possible reason could they have for allowing the purchase of personal information about the people who voted them and their shift into office, other than to serve and protect those people?
Worry not, dear readers; we put them in charge, so obviously they wouldn’t so very literally sell us out.
Right?
The future: Nothing to fear, just a great big pile of shift.
Besides, what’s to fret over, really? So what if our social security numbers can be bought and sold like albums and movies! It’s not like anyone is out there just stealing those things from the internet every single second of every single day, without any repercussions at all, now is it? All that copyrighted material is totally safe and protected. What’s more, those are just products companies make their money off of, not actual real information that affects actual people, so obviously our leaders will work even harder to make sure everything stays above board.
So what concern is it of ours if anyone with enough money can purchase access to our browser histories, and learn things about us even our closest friends and family members may not know? If one has nothing to hide from people with money, then one need not worry. And soon, no one will have anything to hide from people with money, so no one will have to worry.
The future: what safer hands could it be in, than people with money?
Just take a second and remind yourself, naysayers, that the people responsible for this have always been very, very vocal about the importance of security, and how we, as a nation, must protect ourselves from all threats, be they real or imaginary or completely and totally absurd. These are the people who want to build a wall along our entire southern border; these are the people who support deporting and even destroying an entire religious population, all for our safety. Obviously, this is a safe move and we can count on them. It’s not like anyone ever hacked into our systems and maybe screwed around with some very important things, any more than sensitive information gets leaked all the time from everywhere.
Totally didn’t happen, totally doesn’t happen, total witchhunt.
Most important of all it is to remember, voters, that in just a little over a year, many of these congressional champions of personal liberty and freedom will once again be asking you for the opportunity to continue giving you services like this one. Remember what they’ve given you thus far, remember what strong reasons they had for giving it to you, and remember whose interests they have in mind. Don’t forget how your leaders represented you, and ignored completely all the warnings and worries of science and reason, and the rights of security and privacy, just so they could give it to you the very best that they could. Come election time, it’ll be your turn to give it to them, and your responsibility to make sure they really, really get it.
The future: you can give it to them, or you can really give it to them.
-John
