Unannounced and Unexpected Hiatus Over

   
   
     So, after what in our timeline has been just over two months, I have returned. Don't fret yourself about why I was gone, just be glad I'm back. (I have come to believe that the best way to ensure the gladness of others at one's return is to instruct said others to be so. Pretty sure it works.) Trouble is, I'm a little backlogged with the stuff of rambles over here. A lot has happened in the world, and I'm just all full of  fragments that need to get out before I my insides get all cut up and I keel over in the shredded pain of malcontention. So, here's what's going to happen:
    We, you and me and everyone you can bother enough to make them break down and read this so you can marvel at (or hate. Whichever.) it all in one another's company, are just going to rip through a bunch of stuff all at once. Call it a clearing of my mental house, some late spring cleaning, as it were. Or is. You pick. Wait, wait...let's call it.. The May Miscellany. Now it's a proper thing, and not just some gimmicky excuse for me not to have to build a bigger theme. What? No, I said it's not that. What's your favorite color?
     Okay quick, let's jump in before you realize what I've done!
     I think it's odd that the word 'overcompensate' pretty much only gets used in one context anymore, just because it's the only joke anyone bothered to come up with about guys who buy ridiculous vehicles.
     Next.
     Did you guys hear they found another most giant dinosaur ever a few weeks ago? In Argentina? Huge, they say. Huge. I know you've all heard about it, but I figured I'd bring it up anyway.
     Dinosaurs, you guys.
     Onward.
     They declared martial law in Thailand earlier this month, which is perhaps the most stark reminder I've heard recently that the whole world is still nuts. What I do like is that the populace is handling this situation by taking selfies ("Worst Word of 2013" winner, awarded by the Good Lord People Are Awful Committee, and one that my spell checking software still benevolently assures me is not a word) with the troops that have appeared at important Bangkok intersections. I love this story so much, for reasons I can't fully explain, that if it showed up and declared itself in charge of my life, I'd take a self portrait with it via the camera in my phone.
     Ahead we trudge, friends and neighbors, bound together through the honor in our intent.
    Can anyone tell me how these so called 'huggers' feel it's okay to disregard the feelings of those who prefer the handshake, or the now unheard of not touching me at all greeting. How did this happen? When was it agreed that if someone extends their hand, a hugger is allowed to say some inane thing, like "Sorry, I'm a hugger!" and seize me in such a manner?
     Look, I hug some people, okay? I hug my family, friends I haven't seen in a while, sure. But if this is, say the second time we've met, and I put that hand out there, you don't have the right to slap it out the way, pull me close, and hug me like I'm a flotation device and you're the lone survivor of an oceanic plane crash.
     It makes some people uncomfortable, and it's not okay for huggers to disregard that just because they're "so full of love" or whatever. If you're such a fan of people, maybe you ought to consider their feelings before you force your hug upon them.
     Perhaps we can compromise. Maybe the high five? I could make do with a high five. How much fun would that be? Say a big group of people is getting together all at once, instead of just a bunch of hugs and people standing around, you get to throw in a mix of high fives. It would add to the visual, I think, and put some texture in the overall audio buzz of the crowd.
     Just  a thought. Shall we proceed?
     I honestly don't care what political view a person takes. I really don't. Both the Red Staters and the Blue Staters do and say some pretty silly things when they get together and start bellowing out their virtues and patriotically prosaic platitudes, and anymore all I hear is what I expect the color gray to sound like.
     But I do think we, as a nation, should agree to be done with Karl Rove. Can we all board that boat, please? He's just a mean, mean human being, and seemingly believes all goals can be reached through personal attack and the sewing of discord. I try to keep my language clean (and if I can manage it, interesting) in this thing, but that guy... makes it tough. But I'm gonna save it, because someday, somehow, you never know, I might get the chance to say it to his face, and that's the kind of relish a guy can wait for.
     Oh! Hey! You know what you don't see a lot of? Air harmonica. Do you think it would be like when cartoon characters eat corn really fast?
     This is how my brain works, people. Lots of jumps.
     It seems like every other day now there's a news story on my homepage about professional wrestling. Either stock has fallen, or there's a new champion, or (today) there's an article about a wrestler who died years ago. What's going on here? I used to to watch professional wrestling, I admit it. But that doesn't explain why it's suddenly popping up in the news feed. And it's always an article from some site that claims to be a business site, which is just bonkers, is what that is.
     Though I admit it does a pretty good job of illustrating our wacky sense of culture.
     Okay, one last thing, and then it's back to the world with you:
     That Dinosaur from earlier? It's called a Titanosaur. You guys, it was huge.
-John