Stop That Returns

     Batmanning? Are you kidding me with this? (It's like planking, only people hang upside down from their ankles, like Batman sometimes does.) First I have to put up with the fact that someone thought Michelle Bachman should be president, and now Batmanning? Praise be to Allah, this is stupid. The only thing that redeems it at all is that most of the people who do it fall on their heads, hopefully doing varying but long lasting brain damage. This will make their future videos all the more entertaining. Seriously though, stop this at once.
     Speaking of things people are doing because the internet has convinced them that stupidity is funny, I saw a car commercial yesterday where hip hop dancing mice (or gerbils, or hamsters, or whatever) interrupt a future war of some kind and, I guess, end it through dance and driving an ugly, bright green vehicle. This is what people are doing with and because of the greatest technological advancement in humankind's erratic history.
    Well, this and pornography,*
     What I have to ask you, friends and neighbors, is this: Is the internet making us dumber, or has it only provided us with the ultimate medium for conveying how dumb we already are? Perhaps it's less a cause of stupidity and more a facilitator, akin to giving everyone (EVVVVERYYYYONNNE!!) a bullhorn and telling them to yell whatever they think about anything. For example, thanks to the internet and texting, many of us are now aware that people, many of them full grown adults, haven't the slightest idea how to spell anything. And here I don't mean the word 'anything', but instead I mean every actual word. All anyone can spell anymore is LOL and this guy:
:)
I hate that guy. Look, if you can't convey the tone of what you're writing, putting that stupid thing at the end of it is not an acceptable substitute. And, by the way, it is not, NOT, punctuation. IF you must insist on using it, then I feel I have the right to insist on punctuation. Your sentences need periods. Think of it as an eyebrow piercing.
     However, I'm getting away from my point here, which is this: stop putting every stupid thing you stupid think or stupid do on the stupid internet. Stupid.
     Don't you know it's contagious?
     Think about it. Let's run through a scenario, shall we? (We really should, and so we shall.)
     Some poor fool with a smart phone (though I guess these days that sort of goes without saying, doesn't it?) goes into a Wal-Mart, as many poor fools continue to do. While inside, our poor foolish hero has the misfortune to see a large person wearing something awful, like their young child's spandex shorts. As a sports bra. Instead of  a shirt. As is the custom these days, the aforementioned protagonist uses said smart phone to snap a picture and place it on the internet. It, like everything else, ends up on some site with a clever caption, and you, being a cleverly captioned photo enthusiast, see it.
     You are now infected.
     It starts, sure, with the person in the spandex, who clearly has the disease because of their decision to go out in public like that. However, our hero has already displayed if not early symptoms, then at least a vulnerability to this illness by entering Wal-Mart. The act of snapping the photo and placing it on the internet ensures an infection. They are done for.
     But it doesn't end there. These two have managed to get this disease out of Wal-Mart and into the rest of the world, showing and infecting us with Stupiditis, as I like to call it. It's a pandemic, and we're all in GRAVE DANGER!
     WE HAVE TO ACT NOW! TIME IS SHORT, PEOPLE! WHY AREN'T YOU DOING SOMETHING? ACT! YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME! WE HAVE TO MAKE A PLEDGE TO NEVER, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, CONTRIBUTE TO THIS SPREADING AND MERGING AND THUS INCREASING STUPIDITIS! LISTEN, THE TIME TO ACT IS NOW, I BESEECH YOU TO-
Oh, hey, somebody posted a new "Success Kid!" I gotta go.
-John

* Also, pointless blogs written by egomaniacs.